The issue
Suzy: Before we started couple therapy I had no job and had engaged in another relationship behind Rebecca’s back. I had slipped into a dark place and realise now that it was depression. We were living apart at the time but Rebecca was adamant we seek help. I thought we were going to the therapist to help us separate and Rebecca thought it was to get us back together.
The process
Rebecca: In the referral consultation we were in such a terrible state, but we were in a room with a Tavistock Relationships woman who came across as very experienced and that really helped. This was the start of the journey. And then we got matched with our therapist, and she was fantastic.
Suzy: Initially we were sceptical when we saw the quiet and serious woman in the room, whom who I assumed was heterosexual. However Tavistock Relationships feels secure and very safe – like the kind of security you feel when you go into a hospital – you know that it’s a centre of excellence.
You are getting the best people that are supervising and the best people who have been trained. Being in the room is very important – looking at each other and seeing each other’s face. Sometimes the atmosphere was really intense and it helped being there with our therapist. She really held us.
Rebecca: The situation was so acute that things changed from one week to the next. I felt like our therapy sessions were flexible to our situation and adapted to us as things went on. The first few sessions were very hard but being there in that room away from the house and sharing the intimate space with a third impartial person was really helpful and reassuring.
I wondered how anyone could possibly understand our situation - a lesbian couple who had been together for years. Suzy seemed detached and there were some highly charged moments, but all the time the steely and calm therapist became this solid presence in our relationship around which we built things back.
The outcome
Suzy: When I look back, it was literally transformative. Couples therapy was the start of the turnaround of us and myself. I went from having a breakdown and being suicidal and unemployed and in a broken relationship and homeless to having a really well-paid job and paying back. I am lucky to be alive and that is down my personal therapist and the support I got from Tavistock Relationships. It saved my life.
Rebecca: We learnt such a lot that has continues to influence and help us now. We went on an incredible journey and, in the end, were at Tavistock Relationships for 6 years.